TWO LITTLE SAUSAGES
 
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Once in the window of a ham and beef shop
Two little sausages sat
One was a lady and the other was a gentleman,
Sausages are like that
He fell a victim to her simple charm,
And her form he would have embraced
But a sausage you see never has any arms,
And the lady hasn't got any waist.

Chorus: What a pair of happy little sausages
Their's was a very pleasant fate
So they snuggled up together in the chilly Winter weather
Both on the same cold plate
Well, it wasn't such a very cold plate.


One sad day those sausages quarrelled
Ended all their joy
The reason was that she said she caught him winking
At a saucy little saveloy
''Pooh' my dear' said the gentleman sausage
'You may think I'm a flirt, well, I am
But I've seen you sitting on the same bit of parsley
As that wicked old knuckle of ham.'

Chorus: What a pair of very silly little sausages
Their's was a bitter, bitter pill
For they very quickly parted and it left her broken hearted
While he joined a bad mixed grill
Yes, it really was a very mixed grill.


Long years after on a luncheon counter
Those little sausages met
She was engaged to the wing of a chicken
But he hadn't got off yet
Soon they were reconciled, and then, of course
She consented to name the day
So the barmaid dressed her in a tissue paper frill
And the waiter gave her away.

Chorus: What a pair of jolly little sausages
Nothing their happiness can dash
And on any day you'll meet e'm for there's no one wants to eat 'em
He calls her his own sweet mash
So you see they are sausage and mash.
 
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Written and composed by Lionel Monckton
Performed by Gertie Millar & Edmund Payne
 
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