TWO ROOMS TO LET
 
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We've got a couple of rooms to let at seven-and-six per week
I borrowed a bob and off I went, I put in a nice advertisement
And all last week we did have a time, begum
I sat in the parlour waiting for the applicants to come
The wife was cleaning out the rooms, and papering the walls
I was always at the door answering the calls
I told some lovely lies - anything I could invent
And over one hundred people answered our advertisement.

Chorus: Five and twenty people wanted to take the rooms
Said I, 'You'll have to pay me down,
A small deposit of half-a-crown.'
'All right.' they paid me on the spot
And all of 'em wanted to take the rooms
I let 'em to all the lot.


Talk about doing a roaring trade, I hadn't a moment's rest
But look at the way the business paid, better than working at my trade
The tale I told, well some of the people said
That seven-and -six was not enough, they'd pay me twelve instead
The ladies you can guess were in a great majoritee
Some of them were married ones and some were going to be
I showed 'em round the rooms and gave 'em a bit of a wink
And every half-a-crown I took I bought myself a drink.

Chorus:

They started moving this morning, and before it was twelve o' clock
A lot of pantechnicons were there, barrows and trucks were everywhere
And round our house there's kettles and pots and brooms
Belonging to all the people there who've come to take the rooms
There's five-and-twenty carting up their tables and their chairs
There's five-and-twenty moving men a-fighting on the stairs
And five-and-twenty more bent upon having my life
I don't want to have any row, and so I've left it to the wife.

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by Murray and Leigh - 1900
Performed by Will Dalton
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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