THE UGLY BOY
 
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I peeps inside the bedroom on the day as 'e was born,
An' sees the missus frownin' like a doose!
'A nice fing to be father of.' she says to me with scorn,
Ses I, 'Don't start a gassin', 'tain't no use.'
The boy 'ad got a pug nose and a twist was in his eye,
Yer couldn't call 'im pretty, I confess,
An' Mary Ann 'ad notions wot was allus very 'igh,
But I put my arm around 'er an' I ses,

Refrain: 'Andsome is as 'andsome does.' ses I to Mary Ann,
Beauty's only skin deep, it won't make or mar a man.
In running arter outside show many a man's been sold,
Who cares about 'is features if 'is 'earts as good as gold?'

'E grew up jest like other boys but none with 'im would play,
An' in 'is muvver's 'eart 'e 'ad no place,
It orften cut me to the quick whene'er I 'eard 'er say,
'There can't be nuffin' good be'ind that face.
I fink she grew afraid of 'im, yet 'e was like a dove,
To all the crooil sayin's as 'e 'eard,
'E only sighed 'is sorrer an' 'e give a look of love,
An' 'e turned 'is 'ead an' never spoke a word.

Refrain:

One day the missus took to bed, she'd got a fever bad,
On comin' 'ome I 'ears a sob outside,
An' goin' in I finds the little 'ero of a lad
A-watchin' like an angel at 'er side.
'E never thought of unkind words, an' Mary 'ad no fear,
'Er face was full of 'appiness an' joy,
She drew 'is 'ead upon 'er breast, I felt a chokin' 'ere,
To see the missis kiss our ugly boy.

Refrain:
 
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Written and composed by Brian Daly & F. Louis Schneider - 1895
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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