UP TO DATE
( A Muddled Medley )
 
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I will sing you a ditty, and it's wonderfully witty
You'll enjoy it when you've heard it, I vow
For the man who did the writing is a-kicking and a-biting
For he's in the asylum now
And I know what it is to 'be there', oh, yes
Oh! yes, 'I was in it' in the days of Auld Lang Syne
With the man who struck O'Hara, and bandy legged Clara
And we've all been there before 'many a time'.

Chorus: For we've lived together and died together
As everyone must know
That she's my Annie and I'm her Joe
Do not forget me, do not forget me
Down where the water lilies grow
Across the bridge we go.

At Gillooley's supper party, everyone was gay and hearty
For you don't get a beano every day
When McGilligan got near the whiskey, wine and beer
They called him the little stowaway
Nobody knows what trouble was there
In that little old log cabin down the lane
A suit I want to borrow, for his funeral's tomorrow
And we finished up by singing this refrain.

Chorus: White wings they never grow whiskers
They carried me cheerily over the sea
To ye banks and brays of bonnie Doone
Where we drew his club money this morning.

Now Tiddlee Wink the barber was at the charge at Balaclava
I forgot it, I remember - I was there
With Levi Cassidy - on the shores of America
No it wasn't - it was in Trafalgar Square
I was waiting, to hear the verdict,
On the boy in the prisoner's dock
When Levi, may I mention, called my polite attention
To the tick of my grandfather clock.

Chorus: Ninety-nine years without slumbering, tick, tick, tick
It laid without grumbling, 'Gently does the trick.'
When it stopped short, something went wrong with the works,
If you want to know the time, ask a policeman.
 
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Written and composed by F. Fagan
Performed by Charles Bignell (1866-1935)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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