VAT ZE ENGLISH CALL ZE - VAT ZE NAME?
 
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I've lately formed acquaintance with a chappie from Paree,
But oh! he's so impulsive and mercurial;
His funny little sayings sometimes bring a blush to me,
And I don't pose as modest little Muriel.
It's when he's hard up for a word,
His meanings doubtful and absurd;
Last night he told me an ancient tale,
I never laughed, cried he, ''Tvas stale,

Chorus: It's vat the English call ze... vat ze name?
On my tongue I have ze very vord to fit,
Vat grows upon ze tree?
I have it! ha!, oui, oui,
Ze Valnut, vat vas it.'

One evening he informed me in his own peculiar style,
He'd been to take the air up Piccadilly way;
To tell it as he told it would engage me such a while,
And, perhaps, you'd think it too a very silly way.
Said he, 'Sweet Madame, zere I met,
In conver-za-ze-ong ve did get,
She say, No husbamd have she got,
But children, she possess a lot.' She vas,

Chorus: Vat ze English call, vat ze name?
On my tongue I have ze very vord to fit,
Vat smile so sweet at me,
I have it! ha! oui, oui,
Ze vidow, zat vas it.'

There's something in his manner that I can't say I dislike,
It's French and that's a matter purely national;
Today he saw a lady have a spill from off her bike,
And, it seem, the poor girl hadn't donned the rational.
Said he, 'My vord, it was a sight,
Not hurt von bit, she was all right,
Head over heels away she go,
I sorry feel, because she show,

Chorus: Vat ze English call, vat ze name?
On my tongue I have ze very vord to fit,
Vat eats ze grass! dear me!
I have it! ha! oui, oui,
Ze calf, ah! zat vas it.'

 
PDF Sheet Music
 
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Written and composed by M. Tressor and George Le Brunn - 1897
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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