THE VILLAINS AT THE 'VIC'
 
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All the world's a stage, the men and women merely players
Buskin strollers on the look out for a pitch
A motley group of decent people, fools and their betrayers
And it's hard to tell exactly which is which
Acting is a lost art, I was young and once aspiring
All my friends informed me I should do the trick
Now I'm going to give it up, I was not so retiring
When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.

Chorus: When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.
At crime I never yet was known to stick
I murdered babies by dozens, slew innumerable cousins
When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.


What is acting now-a-days? why, only milk and water
Do you ever see six murders in a play?
An unforgiving parent plunge a dagger in his daughter
Yet they did it in a happy bygone day
Realism, bah! its only cuff and collar shooting
Pooh! such have heard the gods vociferously hooting
When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.

Chorus: When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.
At words I never yet was known to stick
The author p'r'aps might suffer, still I gagged, I was no duffer
When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.


Look at modern playbills, well to me they're simply funny
How on earth they ever get the people in
Eight o' clock to start, and only one piece for your money
Ah! much earlier at the Vic did we begin
Farce at seven, quickly followed by 'Maria Martin'
And although against the business I might kick
Change, I had to for the panto which I had a part in
When I used to play the villains at the Vic.

Chorus: When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.
Of criminals I may say I'd the pick
It's no use now my talking,
Still the ghosts sometimes stopped walking
When I used to play the Villains at the Vic.
 
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Written and composed by Albert Chevalier & Charles Ingle
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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