WAIT TILL I'M AS OLD AS FATHER
 
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I'm sixteen years of age today, a nice age, you'll admit.
I don't know much about things, but I know a little bit.
I go about with Dad so much and see some sights, you bet,
Although I've never had a nice girl call me Duckie yet.

Chorus: But wait till I'm as old as Father, rather.
Wait till I'm as old as Dad.
Just as sure as my name's Jim,
I'll be doing the same as him,
Flirting with all the ladies.
When the time comes, I'll be glad.
And I'll be stopping at the office very late,
Just like the dear old Dad.

SPOKEN - The old rascal! Ah, he's a dear old sport, though.

When Mother dear was once away upon her holiday,
Dad took me round to see the sights and he got very gay.
He had some scotch and sodas, quite a dozen, I'm afraid,
While I was thirsting myself out on rotten lemonade.

Chorus: But wait till I'm as old as Father, rather.
Wait till I'm as old as Dad.
Just as sure as my name's Jim,
I'll be doing the same as him,
Having some scotch and sodas.
When the time comes, I'll be glad.
And I'll go to bed with my trousers on,
Just like the dear old Dad.

Wait till I'm as old as Father, rather.
Wait till I'm as old as Dad.
Just as sure as my name's Jim,
And my name's Billy—that sounds silly, doesn't it?
When the time comes, I'll be glad.
And I'll go to bed with my trousers on,
Or also my boots!

SPOKEN - Oh, well, I don't care what I do today, do you, Mother?

We've got a pretty nurse at home. She is a little dear.
She blushes like a beetroot every time that Father's near.
Once I was in the nursery. It's not my proper place,
But I saw Father kiss her twice and call her Angel Face.

Chorus: So wait till I'm as old as Father, rather.
Wait till I'm as old as Dad.
Just as sure as my name's Jim,
I'll be doing the same as him,
Calling the nursie Angel.
When the time comes, I'll be glad,
And if she isn't pretty, well, I'll give her the sack.
Just like the dear old Dad.

 
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Performed by Billy Williams (1877-1915)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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