'Twas this very morning we started at ten,
Three very good fellows and I,
Three jolly good fellows and all solid men,
But all of us frightfully dry.
We started for Richmond - we wanted a spree -
But had so much fizz on the way,
That thoroughly screwed were the others and me,
And all we could manage to say, was -

Chorus: We are four jolly good fellows, we are,
The best of all jolly good fellows, hurrah!
Or we were when we started this morning, ha! ha!
But the others have all got run in.

We got down to Richmond, 'twas something past four,
But just felt a little upset;
We'd had as much fizz as we ought, perhaps more,
How much I am sure I forget.
Then back towards London we merrily strolled,
Together we toddled along,
But noisy Bill Tompkins, as onward we rolled,
Insisted on shouting a song.

Spoken - I'm surprised at Tompkins. He had a splendid education, but his brother had the fever and took it from him. He would shout, "We're all on the job!" A policemm came to us and said, "What's this?" I said -


In the morning they turn up before the old beak,
And poor Billy Tompkins, of course,
You may bet, gets it hot for his wonderful cheek
In attempting to damage the force.
In the morning, first thing, you are sure I am there
To lend them a bit of a hand.
And help pay their fines - if fines put all square -
And glasses all round, too, I'll stand.

Spoken - Tompkins is to blame, Tomkins considers himself a bit of a mesmerist. When the policeman came up, Tompkins said, "See me mesmerise this policeman." He did. He passed his hands over his face, all over his face and said, "Go!'' The policeman went, but came back with ten more. Tompkins said, "See me mesmerise the lot." He did, he passed his hands over their faces and said, ''Go!" They went, but we went with them. They landed us at a nice bright brick building, and I said to the gentleman behind the counter, "Where are we?" He said, " At the station." I said, "What time next train?" He said, "No trains, bus in the morning for Bow Street." Tompkius said, "How long to wait?" Gentleman behind counter said, "You three will remain all night, but this gentleman's, meaning me, can go - he's sober." So I trotted out, saying to myself -


Written and composed by Wal. Pink
Performed by James Fawn (1850-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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