WHAT A FOOL I MUST HAVE BEEN TO MARRY JANE
 
T.W. Barrett
 
I've just popped in to tell you all,
My troubles, don't you see;
My darling wife and Ma-in-law,
Have nearly settled me.
She's turned me out of my own home,
Has false, deceitful Jane;
So I can safely say that I,
Am single once again.

Chorus: Oh! What a fool I must have been to marry Jane,
She had me for a noodle, that is very plain;
She even said I was no good,
She said I was a 'chump of wood'
Did that deceitful Jenny Johnson.

She treated me just like a fool,
You'll own that is not right;
She used to call me nasty names,
Then wanted me to fight.
I never had a minutes peace,
No matter night or day;
But I'm as happy as a king,
Now she has gone away.

Chorus:

Now just three months 'ere we were wed,
She vowed that she'd be true;
She used to call me 'Darling Tom',
The truth I'm telling you.
But when the knot was fairly tied,
Her ways she then began;
To smack my face and pull my nose,
I was a wretched man.

Chorus:
 
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Written, composed and performed by T.W. Barrett (1851-1935)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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