WHAT DID PATSY DO?
 
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You never in your life met such a man as Patsy Toole
His brains were bigger than his head, and just as soft as wool
One night at Hogan's Wake, says Missus Hogan, 'I'll stand a treat
If Patsy Toole will go and fetch a gallon up the street.'
Says she to Pat, 'Now, don't come back without the beer, d'ye mind?'
So off he went and like a fool he left the jug behind.

Chorus: But what did Patsy do? what did Patsy do?
Though divil a word he had to say
Patsy could always find a way
'I can't go home without the beer' says Patsy in the shop
So he took it home in his mouth like this
And never spilt a drop!


Some friends took Patsy one day in a small boat on the sea
'Faith,' says he, 'If I come back drowned ye'll all be missing me.'
When they were quite a mile from shore the sea got very rough
The blessed boat began to fill with water - sure enough
The girls began to scream for help - the men commenced to shout
And started with their hats and hands to bail the water out.

Chorus: But what did Patsy do? what did Patsy do?
Though divil a word he had to say
Patsy could always find a way
For when the thing began to fill, just like an Irish lout
He made a hole in the floor of the boat to let the water out.


Once Patsy got a situation as a handy man
His mistress said, 'Pat, can you wait?' says he 'Bedad, I can.'
'All right,' says she 'At dinner table show my lady friend
How smart a waiter you can be, when on us you attend.'
Pat served them like a true born waiter, every one confessed
Until she ordered him to bring the salad up - undressed.

Chorus: But what did Patsy do? what did Patsy do?
Though divil a word he had to say
Patsy could always find a way
'Bring the salad in undressed,' says Patsy with a grin
He went outside and undressed himself and brought the salad in.


A little while ago the boys turned Patsy from the Club
And he swore by the Powers there'd be murder for that snub
Says he to me, 'Come round tonight and you will see some fun
I'm going in that club to settle every mother's son
You stand outside the window now, I want no help at all
Watch every member I chuck out, and count them as they fall.'

Chorus: But what did Patsy do? what did Patsy do?
He entered the club just like a man
All in a tick the fun began
A body through the window came, I cried out, 'One!' d'ye see
Then Patsy's voice from the gutter
Yelled out, 'Stop counting, there - it's me.'
 
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Performed by Joe O'Gorman (1863-1937)
 
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