WHAT DO THEY CARE ABOUT THAT?
 
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I've just had a terrible row with my wife,
But what do I care about that?
If I go home tonight she's afraid of her life,
But what do I care about that?
What right's my old woman to snivel and cry?
If I knock her down, she's no right to reply,
Her mother just gave me a splendid black-eye,
But what do I care about that?

If I stop out at night she's as mad as can be,
But what do I care about that?
She threatens to fetch her big brother to me,
But what do I care about that?
I'm a lord of creation, I'll never give in,
While she, why she's not worth two pennorth of gin,
Perhaps you'd like to bang me, you'd better begin,
But what do I care about that?

There's plenty of people who marry for love,
But what do they care about that?
It doesn't last long, as divorce cases prove,
They soon make a finish to that.
The cause of the trouble is not far to seek,
The Juggins's wed on a few bob a week,
Love won't live on bread without a beefsteak,
Now make no mistake about that.

I'm surprised at the girls and the way they all dress,
But what do they care about that?
There costumes each season grow very much less,
But what do they care about that?
They're all ornamental and got up to kill,
The whole of their toys a small hat-box won't fill,
The less clothes they wear, why, the higher the bill,
But what do they care about that?

There are actresses now who're not fit for the stage,
But what do they care about that?
Because they're good-looking they soon are the rage,
And folk care a lot about that.
They're smothered in satins in diamonds and gold,
Their incompetent efforts the audience behold,
While talented people are out in the cold,
But what do they care about that?
 
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Performed by James Fawn (1850-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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