WHAT FUNNY THINGS YOU SEE
 
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Two fellows in a country place were quietly strolling round
And saying what they would do if they picked up twenty pound
Then suddenly across a hedge, one of 'em poked his nose
And screamed, 'Look! here's a scarecrow, Bill,
They've got to scare the crows.'

Chorus: What funny things you see when you haven't got a gun
To have a shot at that a treat would be
And as I was standing in that field among the merry cowslips
I tumbled their remarks referred to me.

'Twas at the Lord Mayor's banquet once, and just outside the place
I found a card someone had dropped, and went in on my face
I walked into a brilliant hall, and as I stood quite near
I heard the Lord Mayor whisper in the Prince of Wales's ear.

Chorus: What funny things you see when you haven't got a gun
I wonder where the special p'lice can be
When he murmured to the butler, 'Keep your eye upon the silver'
I knew at once that he referred to me.

This morn at two I reached home, I'd been wining if you please
And carefully crawled up the stairs upon my hands and knees
When all at once I spied an object with a great big head
The monster made my blood run cold, I shuddered as I said

Chorus: 'What funny things you see when you haven't got a gun
Its glaring eyes and big ears I could see
Then I flung my boot right at it
And bang went our bedroom mirror
I tumbled then that funny thing was me.

 
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Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
 
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