I first met my wife at a fancy dress ball
To my mind she was simply divine
I thought to myself, 'This is love at first sight!'
And I solomnly vowed she'd be mine.
That very same evening I asked her to wed
She blushingly murmered, "With pleasure!"
We were married and then for the very first time
I examined my bargain at leisure.
One eye was blue and the other one glass
Her leg was a fragment of wood
Her face didn't fit but I'm bound to admit
What was there... was good!

I was asked out to dine by an old friend of mine
Some days back, my usual luck
'Stead of lemon green peas the old go as you please
All we had was just one little duck.
Stuffed with breadcrumbs you see
Where the eggs used to be
A thin duck I've not seen a duck thinner
Served for three, with his wife, and four kids... bless your life
By the time that I sat down for dinner
The two wings and a breast and the legs and the rest
Was all gone that was quite understood
All I had for my share was the parson's affair
But what was there... was good!

Once I hied me away to the sunny sea shore
For I sighed for a dip in the brine
I haled me the man with the bathing hut keys
And he said the next turn should be mine.
He said, "Sir, I'm sorry but we've only got one!"
So I frowned and consigned him to Hades
He said, "It's more than my job's worth to knock at the door
For at present it's full up with ladies!"
I thought, when he'd gone, I would see for myself
So I willfully misunderstood
I peeped in, just for fun, they'd all gone, except one
But what was there... was good!
Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
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