I used to live in Harwich and I knew a lady then
So very fond of flirting with the single men
Amongst the rest I quickly lost my too confiding heart
But very soon the time arrived, when we were forced to part
She took a situation up in London Town
And to find out her where-abouts I wander up and down
She sent me her address, that I might seek her there
And the name upon the envelope was What's-a-name square.

Chorus: From Shoreditch to Stratford I've travelled to and fro
To Highgate, Hampstead and back again to Bow
Wandsworth, Walworth, I seek her everywhere
And still I can't discover that confounded Square.

I have ridden in the tramway, been inside a bus
Travelled by the Underground and made a deal of fuss
I hired a velocipede, rode twenty miles or more
But to my destination I'm no nearer than before
A jaunty Handsom Cabman declared he'd take me right
And drove me all around the Town, till twelve o' clock at night
Then coolly he informed me, 'twas forty bob the fare
But still he couldn't tell me which was 'What's-a-name Square.


Through all the slums of London, I have walked some weary miles
I've been about in Billingsgate, and searched thro' Seven Dials
Up upon the Monument, thro' telescopes to stare
But cannot get a clue to that confounded London Square
I have written to the Times, and pondered over maps
And seeking for this strange address have met with sad mishaps
Oh, this suspense is really much more than I can bear
Can nobody inform me which is 'What's-a-name Square.'


I've spoken to the postman and policemen on the beat
Inquired of nearly every one I meet with in the street
Looked through the Directory, but cannot find it there
I begin to think there's some mistake with 'What's-a-name Square'
The time is fast approaching when home I must return
But still to see my darling Oh how my heart does burn
I'll offer a reward, and give all that I can spare
To anyone who'll tell me, which is 'What's-a-name Square'

Written, composed and performed by Fred Albert (1844-1886)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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