WHEN I PROVE FALSE TO THEE
 
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A simple maiden I adore,
And she adores me too,
And often says she wonders
If I always will be true;
I answered her the other night,
When thus she questioned me,
Some fearful things will happen, love,
When I prove false to thee,

Chorus: When I prove false to thee, my love,
The tide shall cease its flowing,
When I prove false to thee, my love,
The cocks will stop their crowing,
When I prove false to thee, my love,
A Colonel I shall be,
Of the Salvation Army, love,
When I prove false to thee.

Old Ireland will be happy,
And coercion bills will cease,
The Russian Czar will stroll about, .
In safety and in peace,
Great Britian wont be in it,
Nor Britannia rule the sea,
Lord Churchill will be premier, love,
When I prove false to thee.

Chorus: When I prove false to thee, my love,
The hens will cease their laying,
When I prove false to thee, my love,
The ass will stop its braying,
When I prove-false to thee, my love,
The Magistrates you'll see,
The Argyle Rooms will licence, dear,
When I prove false to thee.

Sir Wilfred Lawson will get tight,
And Bradlaugh take his oath,
And a Lord Chief Justice, not unlikely
Give ten years to both,
The guilty will he punished,
And the innocent set free,
And Cockles pills will cure no ills,.
When I prove false to thee.

Chorus: When I prove false to thee, my love,
Our ships will fly no bunting,
When I prove false to thee, my love,
The pigs will stop their grunting,
When I prove false to thee, my love,
A millionaire I'll be,
And Gladstone a Conservative,
When I prove false to thee.

Policemen when they're wanted,
Will be always on the spot,
And cabmen if they charge too much,
Pulled off their cabs and shot,
In seaside lodgings quite extinct,
Will be the lively flea,
And down will go the price of meat,.
When I prove false to thee.

Chorus: When I prove false to thee, my love,
All men will be as brothers,
And costermongers ne'er be known, .
To jump upon their mothers,
The clever showman, Barnum,
Well known in Amerikee,
Will send poor Jumbo back again,
When I prove false to thee.

 
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From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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