WHEN MAUD PUT HER NEW BATHING COSTUME ON
 
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The Sun was shining on the sea, it was a lovely day
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
The sea was blue but turned a trifle bluer, so they say
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
The crabs all started blushing and the jelly-fish all shook
The lobsters went to pot and every mack'ral took it's hook
And the tide, although was going out, turned round and had a look
When Maud put her new bathing costume on.

The mass upon the beach declared the whole proceeding wrong
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
But the bathing man he winked and murmured, 'Now we shan't be long.'
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
The Mayor and the Corporation came as quickly as could be
Opera glasses went to twenty times their ordinary fee
And the Vicar offered up a special prayer for those at sea
When Maud put her new bathing costume on.

The London Mail asked questions in 'The things we want to know'
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
But the whole affair was contradicted by the Press Bureau
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
Nat Goodwin wired to know if she his Number nine would be
Alfred Buttrush'd down to book her up to nineteen twenty three
While Gaby sued her for infringing her sole rights immediately
When Maud put her new bathing costume on.

The submarines came right up to the surface full of hope
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
And the crew, they say, just fought for places round the periscope
When Maud put her new bathing costume on
The railway people said, 'Well now the town is sure to fill.'
While naval experts shook their heads and muttered with a thrill,
'If this don't bring the German Fleet out, nothing ever will'
When Maud put her new bathing costume on.
 
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Performed by Harold Montague (b. 1874)
 
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