WHERE ARE YOU? THERE YOU ARE!
 
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I'm a straight forward man, I can smoke,and I can
Take a drink, but I don't go too far,
For if too much you drink, in the gutter you sink,
Then what's the result? There you are!
Your poor aching head feels as heavy as lead,
If I were your best-pal you would spar me;
You don't know whether you're in the streets or your bed,
Then in such a case old pals, where are ye ?

Chorus: Where are ye in such a case eh?
If the question I asked near and far,
I'd ne'er get an answer, I know that I can't sir,
'Cause I'm in the know, There you are!

Up to London you go to the great Cattle Show,
Bid farewell to your wife, say ta,ta;
In some London street a fair maiden you meet,
She smiles at you and says,There you are!
You offer your arm never thinking of harm,
Talk of love and the night bright and starry;
But if up comes your wife, you run for your life,
And if she should cop ye, Where are ye?

Chorus:

Now if you should be sailing over the sea,
With everything smelling of tar;
And the vessel collide with another and glide,
To the bottom, why then, There you are!
But if you avail yourself of the rail,
Never mind whether first class or parly,
If the engine is dashed in another and crashed,
Into bits you are smashed then, Where are ye?

Chorus:

Now with politics I do, well almost nix,
For I generally politics bar;
But say now that you, were all liberals true,
And in office - why then, There you are!
But as I can show, and as you all know,
During life you must have things to mar ye;
By experience I've found that a season comes round,
When primroses abound then, Where are ye?

Chorus:

This morn while in bed, to my missus I said
I'm goin' out but I ain't agoin' far;
Says she, indeed sir out of this you don't stir,
And as she is the boss, There you are!
Perhaps you might say, oh you'd have your own way,
In your house you'd not let your wife bar ye;
You'd precious soon cut that's all werry well but,
If she locks up your trousers, Where are ye?

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd - 1887
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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