WON'T YOU WALTZ WITH ME?
 
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He was a boy, quite romantic and coy,
She was a kiss-curly girl.
They’d been to the plays where the waltz was the craze,
And they longed to be whirling the whirl.
So they went to a dance where he hoped to entrance
This sweet little maid of his choice.
The band gave the chord, then he sought his adored
And lisped in a languishing voice.
‘Won’t you waltz with me all the night long –
Won’t you waltz in a dream divine?
The time simply flies when I gaze in your eyes
They tell me your heart shall be mine.’
‘Yes, I’ll waltz with you,’ said the damsel,
With her eyes looking slyly aloft.
‘But you go such a rate, if you can’t steer me straight,
Let me bump into somebody soft.’

They waltzed all the while in the Ju-jitsu style,
Like the lady that waltzed in the play.
It quite cleared the deck when she swung by her neck
In the mad, Merry-Widowy way.
She thought she was slain when he trod on her train
And had to clear out for repairs,
But when she returned all his ardour still burned,
And he cried, as she came down the stairs.
‘Won’t you waltz with me all the night long –
Won’t you waltz in a dream divine?
My arms are in haste to encircle your waist,
You promised each waltz should be mine.’
‘Yes, I’ll waltz with you,’ said the damsel,
‘Though your dancing gets horribly worse.
We’re getting too near the refreshments, my dear –
I’m in the blanc-mange – let’s reverse.’

She thought it was grand when they broke up the band
With a shock that was sudden and sharp.
It was really too bad, the conductor got mad
When she tangled her hair in the harp.
But when they got clear they thought they might steer
For a nice cosy corner for two.
And find a nice spot to sit and talk rot,
As couples that dance always do.
‘Won’t you waltz with me all the night long –
Won’t you waltz in a dream divine?
Sitting out’s slow when you’re wound up to go
So mingle your footsteps with mine.’
‘Yes, I’d waltz with you,’ said the damsel,
‘But I think you’ve been holding too tight,
I’m sorry, old chap, but something’s gone snap –
I’ll waltz home to mother, good-night.’
 
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Written, composed and performed by Archie Naish (b. 1878)
 
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