THE WRONG GIRL
 
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My life's a perfect misery,
All through Short-sighted swells,
Who're constantly accusing me
Of being someone else.
Once in a London thoroughfare
A man cried, 'I'll go nap!
You're Flo, the girl I took to Kew.'
I said, 'My dear old chap,

Chorus: I'm the wrong girl!
I'm the wrong girl!
And my name's Matilda Martha Mary Ann;
Though you think you know a bit,
Still I fancy you have hit,
On the wrong girl, Mister Man.'

One day a queer old buffer in
The street accosted me;
'Oh, Fan, my wifey-pifey! Mother
Of my Children three!
Why did you run away from me,
Along with all my quids?'
I said, 'Here! Half a tick, old pal!
Wife! Ran away! Three kids!'

Chorus:

Another time, a fellow in
A street off Charing Cross,
Cried, 'Bless my heart and soul! Why, why
It's darling little Floss!
Do you remember Leicester Square,
The night we'd supper there?'
I said, 'I don't eat suppers and
I don't know Leicester Square.'

Chorus:

The biggest insult of the lot
Was when a fellow swore,
That in a London ballet he
Had seen my form before.
He said, 'You've got some lovely shanks,
Your ballet dancing's fine.'
I said, 'Garn! I'm no ballet girl and
Those shanks, sir, were not mine.

Chorus:

A Johnnie said, "Aw-aw my Dear,
I saw you in the Row.
The day your gee-gee stumbled there
And threw you off, you know.
But you were up and on again
As agile as can be."
I said, "Excuse me, sir, you've not
Seen my agility."

Chorus:

 
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Written by John P. Harrington & George Le Brunn - 1895
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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