YARNS OR THE CAPTAIN TOLD THE MATE
 
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Our captain knows a lot of yarns, I think they must be true
And to the Mate he spins the yarns when on the ocean blue
He told him once there was a man - a builder he by trade
Who built a chimney twelve miles high and all the bricks he made
Another man said 'I think I could build a chimney much higher than that
And I'll make the mortar as well as the bricks,
As sure as my name is Pat'
He built one up so high, it went beyond the sky
But they made him take a few bricks off to let the moon go by.

Chorus: The Captain told the Mate. The Mate told the crew
The crew told me, so I know it must be true
You hear some funny tales while sailing on a trip
That's a little yarn I heard aboard a ship.

The Captain he went fishing once and caught a giant fish
It was so large - quite twice as large as any man could wish
For when he dragged it in the boat he got a shock, oh lor
It was so big the river sank for twenty miles or more
Then somebody asked if it was a shrimp - the captain said he'd forgot
'Well, was it a shark?' then asked the mate, 'Or was it a whale or what?'
The Captain begged to state to the crew, also the mate
He couldn't remember the name of the fish but he used a whale for bait

Chorus:

The Captain vowed a sailor once was cast upon a shore
From off a shipwreck to a place he'd never seen before
The place was uninhabited - Jack had a nerve of iron
For soon he came right face to face with such a great big lion
This beast of a lion he made such a spring and opend his mouth so wide
That right down his throat Jack shoved his long arm and
When it was right inside he gave a mighty shout - it's true with out a doubt
He grabbed the lion by the tail and pulled him inside out

Chorus:

 
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Composed by W.H. Wallis - 1901
Performed by George Brooks (1867-1947)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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