YER NEVER ASK'D 'IM FOR IT
 
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I 'ates a cove as gives yer 'face',
An' allus tries ter slight yer;
Who sez the most insultin' things,
And arter wants ter fight yer.
Yer lend 'im, say, a 'arf a quid
To back a 'orse, 'e loses,
Then comes and imperdently ses,
'I'll pay yer w'en I chooses!'

Chorus: An' so saucy wiv it too!
Sich a lot o' say!
'E'll insult yer till yer feel abart ter choke;
An' 'e tells yer, wiv a grin,
Yer won't get yer oof agin;
And yer never ask'd 'im for it, that's the joke!

'E prides isself on bein' quite
A daddy wiv the mittens,
An' sez 'e's knocked six champion out
As if they was but kittens.
Yer think yer'd like ter learn the art,
An ask 'im for ter teach yer;
Yer say, 'Play lightly.' so 'e does,
Except when 'e can reach yer!

Chorus: 'E's so funny wiv 'em too!
Sich a lot o' say!
Starts a larfin' w'en 'e finds yer nose is broke;
Well, yer do yer best ter fight,
Dodge 'is left an' cop 'is right,
And yer never ask'd 'im for it, that's the joke!

'E'll come an' spend an hour or two,
'E's good at beer an' stuffin',
'E'll sneak yer bacca, mark yer cards,
An' never pays for nuffin'.
'E'll git too much ter drink, an' then
A 'eap o' trouble give yer;
Yer offer 'im a shake-down, 'No,'
Sez 'e, 'I'll turn in wiv yer!'

Chorus: An' so saucy wiv it, too!
Sich a lot o' say!
At four o'clock starts singin', ''Earts of Oak!'
An yer don't get no repose,
'Cos 'e collars all the clo'es,
And yer never ask'd 'im for it, that's the joke!

One night we goes out on the spree,
Of course, e' must get moppy;
'E tries ter walk 'ome straight, an' can't,
'Is legs is far too floppy.
A copper comes along and, well...
'E sees the situation;
Declares I'm paraletic, too,
An' takes us to the station.

Chorus: An' in court 'is nibs is saucy!
Sich a lot o' say!
'E declares we've never been upon the soak;
But a wary, knowing beak
Gives the two of us a week,
And yer never ask'd 'im for it, that's the joke!

 
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Written and composed by Brian Daly & Charles Ingle - 1893
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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