YOU CAN DO THINGS AT THE SEASIDE
(That You Can't Do In Town)
 
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Have you ever noticed when you're by the sea
The things that you can do there with impunity?
If you did the same things when you're up in town
Moral Mrs Grundy on her face would wear a frown,
Father, mother, all the family
Travel down to have a little paddle in the sea
Mother takes her stockings off upon the sandy shore
And shows a lot of linen that she'd never shown before.

Chorus: You can do a lot of things at the seaside
That you can't do in town.
Fancy seeing mother with her legs all bare
Paddling in the fountain, in Trafalgar Square,
Bobbing up and down in the water
'Twould make the policemen frown.
You can do a lot of things at the sea side
That you can't do in town
.

Watch them at the seaside, there upon the sands,
Percy and his sweetheart hold each other's hands,
All among the crowd, there they will sit and spoon
Like a pair of turtle-doves upon a honeymoon,
There they loll beside the briny blue,
Cuddled up together till you can't tell who is who.
Canoodling and kissing with a crowd of people there,
No one seems to notice them and no-one seems to care.

Chorus: You can do a lot of things at the seaside
That you can't do in town.
Fancy couples sitting in the strand all day,
Cuddling and kissing in the seaside way!
Percy tickling Polly, her hair all falling down
You can do a lot of things at the seaside,
That you can't do in town.


Bashful little maidens, modest as can be,
Like to have a nice splash when they're by the sea.
In a bathing dress all pretty frills and bows,
You see more for for nothing than you see in penny shows.
They'll mix-bathe 'mongst all the fellows there,
Lots of people looking on but still they never care.
They'll splash each other for a lark and smack each other, too.
It's most surprising by the sea, what modest maidens do.

Chorus: You can do a lot of things at the seaside
That you can't do in town.
When it's wet in town she lifts her skirt and shows,
A little bit of ankle and some nice silk hose.
If fellows look at her silk stockings,
She'll say, 'How rude!' and frown.
You can do a lot of things at the seaside,
That you can't do in town.

'Good-bye, hubby darling!' Whispered Mrs Brown.
Went off to the seaside, leaving him in town.
When she reached the seashore, very strange to say,
She met a chap she used to know before her wedding day.
All that week they used to go about,
Every day he'd call for her and used to take her out.
Arm in arm together they would walk along the shore.
And every night he'd see her home and kiss her at the door.

Chorus: You can do a lot of things at the seaside
That you can't do in town.
He saw her with her husband up in town one night,
She bowed and passed him by just as a stranger might.
He only gave a sly wink this time and so did Mrs Brown.
You can do a lot of things at the seaside,
That you can't do in town.
 
PDF Sheet Music
 
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Written and composed by Charles Ridgewell and George A. Stevens
Performed by Mark Sheridan (1864-1918)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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