YOU CAN GET IN A ROW FOR THAT
 
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Have you ever seen any fellows in life,
Who seem to be looking for trouble and strife?
They go to find work or maybe a wife,
Well, it's silly, you know, very silly.
I saw a couple of men today,
Who stood in the midst of a crowd,
There they were fighting, so I walked up,
And said, 'You know that's not allowed,

Chorus: 'You can get in a row for that!
You can get in a row for that!
Now, don't you be silly, you mustn't fight here!'
But one fellow said, 'Why should you interfere?'
Then he gave me a slap on the nose,
I said, 'Now then, what are you at?'
I took off my coat and I told him, I said,
''You can get in a row for that!'

I went down to Brighton with some pal of mine,
He wanted to bathe, so he went in the brine.
He splashed with the girls, well, that's all very fine,
But it's silly, you know, very silly.
There he was teaching 'em how to float,
I thought it looked awfully bad,
People were talking upon the beach,
So I hollered, 'Bill, you're mad,

Chorus: 'You can get in a row for that!
You can get in a row for that!
A fellow your age ought to be more discreet,
You're just like a kid at a Sunday School treat.
The ladies don't want you with them,
Come out there, you wicked old rat!
Fancy flopping about with another man's wife,
You can get in a row for that!'

I once travelled up on the Dover Express,
A terrible thing happened, you'd never guess,
The train ran to time, I must really confess
It was silly, you know, very silly.
The old station master, when he revived,
Told the driver that it was a crime,
Said he, 'If you drive for the L.C. and D.
You mustn't come in to your time.

Chorus: 'You can get in a row for that!
You can get in a row for that!'
I tell you he looked very worried and ill,
He said, 'There'll be trouble, I'm certain there will;
You shouldn't have come in to time,
I'll bet they'll have you on the mat,
Just look at the porters, they're dropping down dead,
You can get in a row for that!'

I woke up this morn at a quarter to three,
And found that a thief had got in, do you see?
I said, 'Now, young fellow, between you and me,
This is silly, you know, very silly.'
He didn't take any notice, though,
But kept bunging things in his sack,
There, as I stood in my night-shirt,
I said, 'Come on, now, put 'em all back,

Chorus: 'You can get in a row for that!
You can get in a row for that!'
I followed the thief as he went down the stairs,
He'd got the piano and four parlour chairs;
I followed him into the street,
Said he, 'Do you know what you're at?
You mustn't come out in that little, short shirt,
You can get in a row for that!'

 
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Written and composed by Frank Leo - 1901
Performed by Will Newman
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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