YOU CAN'T HELP LAUGHING, CAN YER?
 
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I was told I had a funny face, so I gave notice at my place
Thought I'd go upon the stage, then I'd earn a decent wage
I sang a song called 'Boiled Beef and Carrots' and
'Take your umbrella with you John'
With some funny suit of clothes and a old red nose
As soon as I come on.

Chorus: You can't help laughing can yer?
Don't it make you laugh not half
I was the potman at a pub
Got four bob a week and all me grub
I worked hard down at the Old Britannia
Now I'm getting eigthy quid a week for doing this
Well, you can't help laughing can yer?


One fine night you toddle to a show, inside a picture palace O
Right in front there's some young spark, with his girl and what a lark
In the dark she start's kissing him, it stops the circulation of the blood
She makes a funny row like an old moo-cow that's stuck fast in the mud.

Chorus: You can't help laughing can yer?
Don't it make you laugh not half
He kisses her and calls her his darling Flo
Bites on her face and she says oh
As they're coming out, don't it fair unmend yer
It's your old woman with a tripe shop man
Well, you can't stop laughing can yer?


Perhaps you think of going for a day,
Down to a place called Pegwell Bay
Put your togs all nice and trim, while you go and have a swim
In the water you feel funny when
The kippers come and nibble at your toes
But don't you give a shout when the tide goes out
And takes away your clothes

Chorus: You can't help laughing can yer?
Don't it make you laugh not half
You'll look like Adam you're nice and cool
Then along comes a young ladies school
They pass by, the Sun comes out to tan yer
But you have to rush back in the water again
Well, you can't help laughing can yer?


Now in a running race Jack Jones and I
The wind backed up, I thought I'd die
I had on my costume, rather large and lots of room
My poor rival began to giggle
Then he tumbled down a wallop on the track
I didn't pick him up, but I won the cup
Then shouted to him, 'Jack,

Chorus: You can't help laughing can yer?
Don't it make you laugh not half
When you was a-laughing round your face
I did a sprint and won that race
It's all through, the pants in which I ran yer
They belong to my old woman that I wore that day
Well, you can't help laughing can yer.'
 
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Written and composed by Lawrence & Carter - 1913
Performed by Harry Champion (1866-1942)
 
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