YOU CAN'T STOP A GIRL FROM THINKING!
 
Marie Lloyd
 

I saw a lovely sight one day, what was it? half a tick,
While I think of it!
The maiden had a milk pail and the young man had a stick,
Now I think of it!
They met within a woodland glade and there he squeezed her hand,
And talked about the sunset and he declared the view was grand;
And she sat on her milking pail, while he was on the grass,
And poured out yarns as long as this, to make the moments pass.

(Dialogue: 'Darling, you know I have always loved you, altho' this is the first time we've met.'
'I know you have Ferdinando!'
'And can thou be my own Anistasia?'
'I canst, my own Ferdy-Werdy.'
Then, in that brief ecstatic moment, their eyes met, their hands met and their lips met, in one long lingering, delicious... well you know.

Chorus: I mustn't tell you what I mean!
Mustn'y tell you what I've seen!
Every that's risky must be dropped,
Well, I've been stopped for winking!
Mustn't tell you what I've heard!
Mustn't say a naughty word!
So help my bob, It's a jolly good job,
They can't stop a girl from thinking!

One night I saw an actor, ah! he was an actor, too,
Come to think of it!
My word, the plays, and plays and parts and things and bits he knew,
When you think of it!
Fur-coated was that actor, for the winter had come in,
And he had lost the summer fur he once wore round his chin;
He strutted on the stage, ah! ha! glared at the band a bit,
And this is how he scared the gods and terrified the pits,

(Dialogue: Toby or not Toby, that is the question! This is the severest winter of our discontent I've experienced for years! I trust we will see a change in the weather and have it made exceptionally glorious Summer by the sun of New York! What sayest thou, dog? Have at thee, then! Down, down to (pointing) ahem! Well, never mind... er... er... (coughing).

Chorus:

In early life, I thought, thought I, 'Now what am I to be?
I must think a bit!'
Then, as a servant I gave up my mind to slavey-ry
Now I think of it!
I answered an advertisement. 'Required, a country girl.'
I got a job to wait upon a lady and an earl;
Their love soon changed to... well, with one another they grew cross,
Which ended in a special application for divorce!

(Dialogue: Of course, they called me as a witness. This was my evidence... 'Well, if you please your worship, it was like this... Master went upstairs... just after missus went out. I went downstairs to answer the bell, which was my young man, who was speaking to the milkman about the postman who said that the cat's-meat man had had a few words with the butcher, who'd been interfering with the dustman concerning the policeman, which naturally caused a little jealousy, simply because the postman told the policeman that he heard from the dustman that the butcher should go and say to the milkman with reference to the cat's-meat man that it would be more to the credit of the gardener if he'd mind his own business.' And when they asked me what I knew respecting the governor, I said, Well... (thinking)...

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by Joseph Tabrar/John P. Harrington & George Le Brunn
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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