YOU KNOW!
 
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Now the style of the song I've been singing for years,
You know!
And that I've been the cause of more laughter than tears,
You know!
So now I'll begin and my tale I'll unfold,
And natuarally when my story I've told,
To ask your opinion I'm bound to make bold;
You know!

Now I scarcely need say there's a girl in the case,
You know!
She's an elegant figure and beatiful face,
You know!
I followed her home and to speak to her tried,
She said, 'Why d'ye follow me?' and I replied,
'I love you dear girl and would make you my bride.'
You know!

Then she said, 'Well, I like you but silence beware!
You know!
I've a very stern parent, his bedroom's up there!'
You know!
I struggled to kiss her, she gave a loud cry,
I heard a door open and 'ere I could fly,
A very hard fist struck me twice in the eye!
You know!

A policeman appeared and exclaimed, 'What's all this?'
You know!
'Oh!' said I, 'a young girl I was trying to kiss!'
You know!
To the station he marched me at very quick pace,
Said I, 'Why d'ye lock me up in this dark place?'
He replied as he slammed the cell door in my face;
'You know!'

Then his worship, next day, asked me what I'd to say,
You know!
I said but two words and winked at him, this way,
You know!
His worship exclaimed when the case he had tried,
'Forty shilling or one month.' with horror I cried,
'Forty shillings or one month, for what?' he replied,
'You know!'

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd - 1887
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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