YOU UNDERSTAND - AT LEAST I HOPE YOU DO.
 
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My friends say I'm w'wather slow-
S'saying what I mean you know,
But. I'll endeavour 'fore I go
To make it c'clear to you;
A little attention I must demand
Then I am sore I'll safely land,
My meaning n'now you understand
At least I t'trust you do.

Chorus: I may not perhaps express myself
C'clearly unto you;
But then of c'course you understand,
At I least I hope you do.

A girl I know called Patti Gray,
Says I never know w'what to say,
Altho' I see her every day
My w'words are always so few,
Near her I scarcely can sit or stand,
But gaze on her and sq'squeeze her hand,
Li'like this, I trust you understand
Of course I se'see you do.

Chorus:

I squoze her hand the other day,
Said she was like a f'flower in May;
And asked if she would name the day,
To make o'one of us t'two.
She answered haughtily and so grand,
What claim have you, sir, to my hand,
Then l'looked like this, you understand
No doubt all of you d'do.

Chorus:

I said, I don't claim anything,
I merely wish the belle to ring;
I thought I'd said a funny thing,
Tho' she didn't laugh that's t'true;
But answered in tones so s'sweet and bland,
My hearts engaged and so's my hand
And so you can go, you understand,
I said, I th' think I do.

Chorus:

I'm seeking for a wife to-night,
Tho' not good looking, Im no fright;
You'll find me honest and upright,
L'loving, k'kind and t'true;
She mustn't expect to d'do the grand
For I've no carriages or land
I've only myself, you understand
Of coarse I se'see yoy do.

Spoken. - I've only got a co' comfortable income enough for two. so if any lady here is inclined to try matrimony, now's the time; If she don't like me after we're married she can g'go home again. - I can't say fairer... she can have her choice as to where she'll live, either Shoredilch or Trafalgar Sq'square, or some other watering place, I'm not selfish. She mustn't say, if I come home late, You might have come home sooner! I hate that. And if I want a b'button sewed on a shirt, she mustn't say she's out of b'buttons, I hate people to say they're out of b'buttons.
She mustn't grumble if I let a friend stay to supper now and then, and say theres n'not enough for three, - I hate when there's not enough for three. - In fact by what I've said I hope you know the sort of w'wife I want.

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd
Performed by Arthur Lloyd (1840 - 1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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