YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY THE PIPER!
 
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If you'll listen to a ditty I'll endeavour to explain,
What a fate is theirs who will pursue a policy insane;
They may argue on economy and reason 'til they burst,
But they're certain to discover they must pay the piper first.
Say, for instance, on the tally you obtain a new 'rig-out'
You can manage small instalments when the money is about,
And you reckon it is cheaper than to pay in ready cash,
But the piper keeps you on his books until he's cooked your hash!

Refrain: The piper! The Piper!
The Tallysmanic piper!
He's always fit and willing to attend,
You may dodge him and deny him,
And vamoose when you espy him,
But you'll have to pay the piper in the end.

If you meet a pretty girl and say, 'Oh darling, be my wife.'
You most probably will find yourself let in for legal strife.
She will hold you to your promise and it's not the best of sport,
To be present when they read your letters out in open court.
You may say, 'Dear, tear them up, it is the proper thing to do.'
But she won't, because, like all her sex, she knows a thing or two.
She will hand them to a lawyer who works up a pretty case,
And she'll list to the -summing-up with blushes on her face.

Refrain: The Piper! The Piper!
The Breach of Promise piper
The case you'll find is useless to defend.
You may say she did deceive you,
But the jury won't believe you,
And you'll have to pay the piper in the end.

You have saved a little money and your lucky-stars you thank,
That it's safely stowed away in some secure established bank,
You look forward to a time when you can decently retire,
On a modest little income, this is all that you desire.
But then nothing here is certain and you find out to your cost,
That your very hard-earned savings are irrevocably lost.
To your life dream in a moment you are forced to say good-bye,
The fraudulent director with your money does a guy.

Refrain: The Piper! The Piper!
The Bank Directing piper!
The man you took at one time for a friend.
By his crime is not affected,
Goes abroad and is respected,
And you have to pay the piper in the end.
 
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From the Musical Sketch entitled 'Pay The Piper'
Written and composed by Albert Chevalier, Brian Daly & F. Louis Schneider - 1894
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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