A Real Guy
by Billy Bennett (Almost a Gentleman)
Billy Bennett
Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot water bottles too. Say folks, I'm the real guy Say soaks, I'll tell you why Just got back from the edge of beyond Done a little trip across the herring pond I don't want no coal black mammy On a black-eyed Susan shack And the Swanee River upsets me liver And I'm mighty pleased I'm back I've been through every State And folks, I'll tell you straight Alabam and Tennessee Don't mean a thing to a guy like me I don't like old Kentucky ‘Cos The streets are mighty mucky And when they change their minds in the big skyscrapers The girls draw the blinds so you can't see the capers Gee are those bamboo babies fat Some shake this when they can't shake that I don't like old Missouri They ain't got a sign of a brewery New York pubs have all dried tubs You cannot change your bread Broadway may look nice at night But take away the houses and electric light And the Old Kent Road has got it skinned to death New York city, get aboard a choo-choo Find a corner seat and think you're doing fine The train moves off as you go to kiss your sweetie Find you've gone and kissed a man With whiskers down the line Here's Niagara, see the water flowing Over fifty million gallons in one rush It keeps on ‘cos there's nothing there to stop it It would do the same if it was down at Shepherd's Bush Down Ohio, talk of prohibition Every drop of beer and whiskey has been banned The parsons threw all the bottles in the river So each day I went swimming with a corkscrew in me hand Indiana homin, see the old log cabin Just one little room in which to sleep and eat When the babbies have a bath on Friday One leg's in the bathtub the other's down the street Alabama, down there in the hay fields See The coloured ladies working night and day They just wear beads when reaping in the harvest Gee I wouldn't move until they'd cut down all the hay. Alabam and Tennessee, don't mean a thing to a guy like me I don't like old Kentucky The streets are mighty mucky And when they change their minds in the big skyscrapers The girls draw the blinds so you can't see the capers Gee those bamboo babies are fat Some shake this when they can't shake that I don't like old Missouri They ain't got a sign of a brewery Their ice-cream dope tastes just like soap And freezes all your breath Talk about the fried canned beef But if you can't afford a set of new false teeth The tripe in Wigan's got it skinned to death. By gum, - no no gee whiz, - I'm an American now.
The end