PIDDLIN' PETE
by Anonymous Arranged by & performed by Leslie Sarony A famous dog once came to town Known to his friends as Pete His pedigree was ten yards long His looks were hard to beat And as he trotted down the road 'twas beautiful to see His work at every corner Every post and every tree He never missed a land mark He never missed a post For piddling was his masterpiece And piddling pleased him most The city dogs stood looking on In deep and jealous rage To see this little country dog The piddler of his age They smelt his efforts one by one They smelt him two by two But noble Pete in high disdain Stood still 'til they were through Then when they'd smelt him everywhere The praise for him ran high But when one smelt him underneath Pete piddled in his eye Just then to show these city dogs He didn't care a damn He strolled into the grocers shop And piddled on the ham He piddled on the cornflakes He piddled on the floor And when the grocer threw him out He piddled up the door Behind him all the city dogs Debated what to do They'd hold a piddling carnival The hoop they'd put him through They showed him all the piddling posts They knew about the town And off they set with many a wink To wear the stranger down But Pete was with them all the way With vigour and with vim A thousand piddles more or less Were all the same to him And on and on went noble Pete As tireless as a windmill And very soon those city dogs Were piddled to a standstill Then Pete an exhibition gave Of all the ways to piddle With double drips and fancy flips And now and then a dribble The city dogs said farewell Pete Your piddling did defeat us But no one ever put them wise That Pete... had diabetes.
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RUNT
by Anonymous A farmer's dog came into town, His Christian name was Runt, A noble pedigree had he. "Noblesse Oblige'' his stunt; And as he trotted down the street 'Twas beautiful to see His work on eyery corner, His work on every tree. He watered every gateway, too And never missed a post, For piddling was his specialty, And piddling, was his boast. The city-curs looked on amazed With deep and,jealous rage, To see a simple country dog The piddler of his age. Then all the dogs from everywhere Were summoned by a yell To sniff the country stranger o'er And judge him by his smell. Some thought that he a king, might be Beneath his tail a rose, So every city dog drew near And sniffed it up his nose. They smelled him over one by one, They smelled him two by two, And noble Runt in high disdain Stood still till they were through, Then just to show the whole shebang He didn't give a damn He trotted to the grocery store And piddled on a ham. He piddled on a mackerel keg, He piddled on the floor, And when the grocer kicked him out, He piddled through the door, Behind him all the city dogs Lined up with instinct true To start a piddling carnival And see the stranger through. They showed him every piddling post They had in all the town And started in with many a wink To pee the stranger down. They sent for champion piddlers Who were always on the go, Who sometimes did a piddle stunt Or gave a piddling show... They sprung those on him suddenly When midway in the town Runt only smiled and polished off The ablest, white and brown, For Runt was with them every trick With vigor and with vim A thousand piddlers more or less Were all the same to him. So he was wetting merrily With hind leg kicking high When most were hoisting legs in bluff And piddling mighty dry. Then on and on Runt sought new ground By piles of scrap and rust, Till every city dog went dry. And only piddled dust. But on and on went noble Runt, As wet as any rill, And all the champion city pups Were peed to a standstill, Then Runt did freehand piddling With fancy flirts and frills, Like "double dip" and "gimlet twist" And all those graceful things. And all the time this country dog Did never wink nor grin, But piddled blithely out of town As he had piddled in. The city dogs convention held To ask: "What did defeat us?" But no one ever put them wise That Runt had Diabetes.
The end