performed by Tommy Handley 'Ere!... come 'ere, I want to tell you something... I'm proper upset...!!! It all 'appened the night we met in the black-out 'Twas a night I will never forget For I ran over 'er on me pushbike We were both of us rather upset. But I fumbled around in the darkness And soon got a pleasant surprise For out of the night came a clear, blinding light 'Twas the love-light that shone from 'er eyes. "Put out that there light, it's illegal!" A nearby air-warden cries I answered, "Don't shout... I'll soon 'ave it out!" And I did... I blacked both 'er eyes. She murmered, "My 'ero... my 'ero It's lovely to meet in the dark, It's ever so nice, this... to kiss in the crisis." So we groped our way round to the park. I said, "Take off that gasmask and kiss me... But she looked at me in alarm. Then she started to laugh and said, "Don't act so daft!... I've got it tucked under me arm!" Well, we sat there all quiet like, for hours, The whole thing became a bit boring. 'Til I sprang up and said, "There's a plane over' ead!" But there waswn't... it was only 'er snoring. She said, "'Ave you been evacuated?" I said, "Now don't worry... keep calm, I was done as a lad and by gum it took bad!" So I showed 'er the scars on me arm. By now it were gettin' much lighter But no songbird was singing close by. And I got such a shock when I looked at 'er clock Well, I could easily understand why! She said, "What about gettin' married?" I answered, "Well, don't think me rude... But before I agree, would you mind tellin' me, How are you off for food?" Well, she said she'd a beautiful larder I could see that from where I was stood... She'd plenty of fat and I'm partial to that, So I answered and said that I would. They threw sandbags instead of confetti At the wedding and quite by bad luck, One 'it Matilda and very near killed 'er But the silly fool 'appened to duck! Now we're sharing an A.R.P. shelter It's built up against garden fence. And while I'm in possession... if she starts aggression The battle will really commence!
The end