by Greatrex Newman and Graham Squiers A little boy named Bertie Brown Once lived in great big London Town He was his mother’s pride and joy For Bertie was her only boy But one fine day at half past three Young Bertie ran away to sea And giving, his ma-ma the slip He got aboard a great big ship. The ship set sail for distant Spain But when out upon the Spanish Main A band of pirates hove in sight And soon commenced a fearful fight The crew all drew their swords and knives And started fighting for their lives But one by one their heads were cleft Till only Bertie then was left. He quickly turned to face the foe And with a scornful, “Yo Heave Ho” Brave Bertie charged that pirate band With two revolvers in each hand The pirates, taken by surprise Fell dead all round him, just like flies He’d only thirteen more to kill When one. who’s name was Cut-throat Bill A lassoo flung round Bertie’s neck And dragged him helpless to the deck. The pirates then with great delight Said, “You shall walk the plank tonight.” Then up the mast they made him go To look into the waves below And there he saw with hungry smiles Huge whales, and sharks, and crocodiles All waiting there, with fiendish glee To have some Bertie for their tea. Then Cut-throat Bill he shook his fist And giving Bertie’s neck a twist He flung him in the ocean wet With no expression of regret And left him there, with angry frown In his best Sunday suit... to drown. When Bertie to the surface rose A crocodile nipped off his nose While two big whales his ears enjoyed Which made poor Bertie most annoyed And then some most ferocious sharks Devoured his vacination marks So Bertie thought he’d better die But just then - woke up with a cry And sitting up - awake - in bed Got dressed, and went to school instead.
The end