by Jack Warner I'm a funny kind o' fella, in a funny kind o' way I don't mean laughing funny… I mean 'peculiar', as they say. I'm what my friends an' relatives call, 'rather weak inside', An' although I know I've gotta eat, some foods I can't abide. I 'ad some jam on kippers once and 'ad t' go t' bed And when the doctor, 'e came round… what do y' think 'e said? Well, 'You didn' orta a ett it!' that's what the doctor said, 'I didn' orta a ett it.' I answered from my bed. He said, 'You do that again, young man, an' I'm sure you will regret it… Eatin' jam on kippers, no… you didn' orta a ett it!' Now I'm very fond of animals and I once went to the zoo I like to study animals when I've nothin' much t' do, Well, I 'ad some sandwiches with me, made of pepper, sauce and chutney, My Auntie makes them up for me… she's got a pub up Putney. Well, I thought as I was tastin' one, it seemed a little odd, When an elephant stretched out 'is trunk and scoffed the bloomin' lot. Well, 'e didn' orta a ett it, and you should o' seen 'im bunk! No, 'e 'e didn' orta a ett it, there were sparks all round 'is trunk. The keeper said, 'Give me a bite… I've gotta go an' get it!' I said, 'Taste it first then you'll find out, why 'e didn' orta a ett it!' 'Ere!… I once went to the derby, to see the 'orses run, And there I saw a fairground and I thought I'd 'ave some fun… I saw some freaks and waxworks and acrobats on boards And a little bloke in coloured tights, 'e said 'e swallowed swords. Well, I 'ad a friend o' mine with me, a bloke they call 'Jim Mullet' He said, 'I do that!' and grabbed a sword and shoved it down 'is gullet. Well, 'e didn' orta a ett it and the bloke didn' 'alf get mad. He said, ''E didn' orta a ett it, it's the only sword I 'ad!' I said, 'Well if you want it back, I'm afraid you'll never get it, 'Cos it didn' 'ave an 'andle on… an' 'e didn' orta a ett it.
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