LIMERICKS - 4
The most outrageous limerick of all, I guess, is one attributed to Dylan Thomas, of all people. He certainly loved to quote it. (John Bilsborough) divider There was an old bugger called God, who got a young virgin in pod. This disgraceful behaviour begot Christ our Saviour, who was nailed to a cross, poor old sod. divider There was a young man from Devizes, whose ears were two different sizes. The first was so small it was no use at all but the other won hundreds of prizes. divider There was a young girl from Nantucket who kept all her cash in a bucket, till the day sister Nan ran away with a man - and as for the bucket, Nantucket divider An undergrad up at St John's Attempted to bugger the swans, But the kindly old porter Said, "Please take my daughter, These birds are reserved for the dons." divider There was a young lady named Gloria Who was had by Sir Gerald DuMaurier And another ten men And Sir Gerald again And the band from the Waldorf Astoria. divider There was a young man of Tralee Who was stung in the neck by a wask When they said 'Does it hurt?' He said 'No, not a bit, It can do it again if it likes!' divider There was an old man of St Bees Who was horribly stung by a wasp. When they said:'Does it hurt?' He replied:'No, it doesn't- It's a good job it wasn't a hornet!' divider There was a young man of Porthcawl Who thought he was Samson or Saul These thoughts so obscure Were due to the brewer And not to his ego at all. divider A psychic young lady from Epsom Who was highly magnetic and pepsom Exerted her power One day in the Tower Drew out the Crown Jewels and kepsom. divider There was a brave girl from Connecticut Who flagged the express with her pecticut Which her elders defined As presence of mind But deplorable absence of ecticut. divider While Titian was mixing Rose Madder His model lay posed on a ladder Her position to Titian suggested coition So he climbed up the ladder and 'adder divider There was a young pupil named Kevin, Who went to a school in south Devon. He wasn't too bright So they called him "Midnight," And his brother was "Half-Past-Eleven." divider A coal merchant fellow from Hacking Sent one of his carriers packing. When someone asked, "Why?" This was his reply: "I gave him the sack for slacking. divider O Rafferty fell from a ladder On top of his head on an adder. The fall that he had Made him feel bad But the adder bite made him feel badder. divider There was an old scholar at Kings Whose mind dwelt on heavenly things His only desire Was a boy in the choir With an arse like a jelly on springs
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