Railway Tales

by C. W. Cundy and Pauline Wilton (1918) I'm unhappy, so I am, I can't enjoy me beef nor jam, And I'm grumpy and as 'umpy as a camel, Bin an' stopped my leave, Oh ho! what were fixed up long ago The trouble is I've got it and I feel afeared to go, And its all along a tin o' green enamel. Now fancy spendin' New Year's Eve when you ought to be on leave, In a dug-out where the damp is slowly tricklin', All along a tin o' green and a sniper lank and lean 'Oo was swearin' and a straffin' and a snippin' in between 'Til the sergeant told me off to stop 'is ticklin'. So I trimmed myself in straw, with a grass and 'ay couffure And I clothed myself in faggots wot a pal 'ad, And the sergeant took a brush and some green and sticky slush And 'e painted me all over till I couldn't raise a blush And I looked just like a vegetable salad. So I crep't out in the night and I waited for the light, But the sniper saw me fust and scored an inner; I 'eard the twigs divide but I signalled 'im a wide And I squinted down me barrel and I let me finger slide, And I pipped 'im where 'e used to keep 'is dinner. Yus, I busted up the Bosh but I found out at the wash, That enamel' was a fast and lastin' colour, And the soap I used to clean, made me shine a brighter green, I'm a cabbage, I'm a lettuce, I'm a walkin' kidney-bean, And I ain't a leavin' Flanders till its duller.
The end