ALBERT VISITS WESTON-SUPER-MARE
by Anon There's this famous seaside place they call Weston that's noted for - well not a lot, and to there from Blackpool, the Ramsbottoms went with young Albert, their son... get the plot? Since Wallace the LIon coughed up Albert his parents, lest he should forget, binned his stick with the Horses head handle and gave him a large fishin net. Now there's not much to do when in Weston as the Ramsbottoms found to their cost, Tropicana were closed, 'cos the water weren't clear and the sea, it appeared, had got lost. They'd about had their fill of amusements and on Bingo they'd blown next weeks rent, so thinkin they'd pass on a peaceful two hours they paid - and to Sea World they went. Now for those who have not heard of Weston and think that "Sea World" there is odd, it doesn't contain killer Sharks and White Whales it's mostly Plaice, Haddock and Cod. Now Albert were quite disappointed for a Lions inside he'd explored, and seeing these fish swimmin round open mouthed made him say "Let's go home Mum, I'm bored". Well just then this great King-sized Haddock called Fred, so it said in brochures, put his face to the glass where young Albert were stood and mouthed in fish language "Up yours". Now Albert had heard about Haddock and not thinking that they posed a threat, leaned over the tank and with one mighty plunge ensnared poor old Fred with his net. Now haddocks are nothing like Lions but when roused can be vicious and wild, and that's when young Albert were swallowed again but this time by a fish - stupid child. Ma and Pa, who had watched the occurance stood there, opened mouthed looking blank, 'til Pa shouted out in a tremulous voice "My Son's in that fish, in that tank". Now Haddocks are protected as species so it needed an urgent phone call, to bring on the scene the Environment Chief on his bike, straight from Weston Town Hall. He came and he stared straight at t'haddock who was just taking one final munch, saying "Here's fifty quid, that's what we now pay for providing that fish with his lunch". Ma and Pa then went back to play Bingo quite happy with this compromise, whilst the Haddock, with Albert expanding it's girth had now grown to a gigantic size. The tank that had housed him was now far too small so in order to sidestep complaint, they dug him this pit on the 'prom' - just next door the purchased some Black and White paint. So now if you're ever in Weston and walk on the prom you can't fail, to see in his pool, in pristine Black and White star attraction - yes 'Fred - Killer Whale"
The end