by Dave Forder There's a famous seaside town called Blackpool And it has a museum there Where there's bones and all sorts of old junk And some things most ancient and rare. T'Ramsbottoms 'ad been round t'town and seen t'fair And also that lump of old iron - the Tower Albert 'ad shinned up the outside In less than 'alf an 'our. Ma was less than impressed at this, "You're wearing new Woolies sandals!" said she Whilst Pa just whistled nonchantly And decided he wanted a pee. They'd even been down to look at t'zoo And seen them animals most rare Albert on this occasion Had poked a ruddy great bear. The keeper 'ad got quite a monk on And in a stropp 'ad asked them to go Pa said, "As we ain't seen all t'animals Do we get us money back though?" Now Albert and 'is parents were out on t'front When it suddenly started to rain Ma who 'ad just 'ad 'er 'air done Cried, " Oooohhhhhh what a pain!" So they dashed off in t'museum To look at all these old bits Pa said, " Best keep moving Ma They might think you one of them exhibits." Ma then glowered at Pa In the way that mums often do Then they realised - young Albert 'ad gone He was missing and no longer in t' queue. Now Albert 'ad gone in through t'exit 'Cos he didn't know what t'word meant He'd seen folks coming out through the door So off he blooming well went. He was aroaming round t'museum When a dinossaur's skeleton he saw He poked it - with 'is stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle And the whole bloody lot fell on t'floor. All except t'skull that is It landed on young Albert's 'ead Museum attendant 'ad seen what 'appened And some very rude words he said. T'attendant was aswearing and cussing, "Who's little bast........lad is this?" Ma looked at Pa - they didn't say much 'cept "Let's get out of all this". So they set off without their Albert And decided to shelter on t'pier Pa said, " By gum that's better... At least I can get some beer!" They were sat at t'table with their glasses When this appirition appears Pa said, "Bloody 'ell - it's our Albert Whilst others just choked on their beers. The skull fit Albert - just like a glove A reet numpty he looked in 'is sandals With a dinossaur's 'ead on 'is shoulders And 'is stick with the 'orses 'ead 'andle.
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