by Peter Booker There's a place in the North they call Blackpool Famous for its Tower and a Zoo, And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom were goin' for t'day, Takin' young Albert, their son, along too. A grand little lad were young Albert, In 'is 'oliday clothes 'e looked a swell! Clutching a bucket and a spade wi' a wood handle, The finest that Woolworths could sell. They were off for a day at the seaside, An' 'oped for a day full of fun, With 'Kiss Me Quick' 'ats, winkles and shrimps, An' deckchairs on the beach in the sun. They boarded a coach for the journey, An' t'ticket inspector made such a fuss! 'Til Albert poked 'im in t'groin with 'is spade, When 'e lost interest an' got off the bus! They stopped at a pub in the country, Where they saw an unusual sight, A large crowd of strangely dressed people, In costumes bizarre and so bright! There were men dressed in corduroy britches, Wi' calf muscles bulgin', like rocks! But some were really quite skinny, And 'ad cheated by paddin' their socks! They wore waistcoats an' 'ats decked wi' flowers, And Pa thought, "Hey,up! This lot look queer!" 'Til 'e saw 'ow they chatted up t'lasses, And as 'ow they could put away t'beer! They were all suppin' ale out o' tankards, By Heck! They could put it away! They drank like there were no tomorrow, And they looked set to do it all day! One chap did a lot o' shoutin', 'E 'ad whiskers an' a beard like fine wire. 'E wore a top 'at an' a coat wi' two tails, 'Cos 'e were The Gaffer, The Squire! Another chap, 'e were dressed like a dragon, 'E chased all the children, the tease! 'Til Albert poked 'im in t'groin wi' 'is spade; An action St George sure to please! They 'ad a band wi' various instruments, Fiddles, melodeons and a drum. The tambourine player weren't playing that day, 'Cos 'e'd fallen an' injured 'is thumb! The musicians got tuned up an' ready, The dancers were rarin' to go. Wi' six men clutching their 'ankies, Lined up three to a row. The music it started and off they all went With a rumpetty, tumpetty thump! In an intri-cate pattern they danced all around, Wi' an 'op an' a skip an' a jump! Albert watched wide-eyed as they danced all around To the music so light on the ear, An' when they'd all done, they rushed off to the bar, To top up their tankards wi' beer! Then they lined up again wi' sticks in their 'ands, Which on the ground all' together they bashed, An' when that dance were done, they went off at a run An' back into the bar they all dashed! Well, they 'ad a good day out in Blackpool, They went paddlin', reight up to their knees! They 'ad winkles an' shrimps, an' other things too! Candy floss, fish 'n' chips, mushy peas! At last t'day were done an' Ramsbottoms went 'ome, An' 'ad settled themselves down to tea, When Albert announced to 'is bewildered folks That a Morris Dancer 'e wanted to be!
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