by John Bilsborough - 1971 There's a famous event, every Wakes week, That's known as Royal Lancashire Show, And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom Decided as they ought to go. They got to the ground, Father, Mother and Albert And gazed round the various tents, And Father says "Which is the one as sells beer?" And Albert says "Which one is Gents?" "And after that, I'm off exploring..." And Mother says "Don't lose your cap." And Father says "Think on, we've paid to come in, We don't want no nasty mis-hap." The time passes quickly when you're having fun, And soon it were climax of't show. "We'll watch them Red Devils, wi't parchute jumping, Says Mother, and then we mun go." The sound of an aeroplane hove into view And as everyone lifted their eyes, Out jumped the brave lads wi' smoke tied to their legs, And gyrated down through the skies. And Mister and Mrs Ramsbottom Stood gawping, enthralled at the sight. "I recognise yon little devil," says Mother, "Wi't cap on, there, second from't right." Well, no-one knew quite what had happened, How Albert had got into't plane... He were plummeting down with no parachute on, So there wasn't no time to explain. He fell through the air like a golf ball - How lucky that there should have been Agert pile of straw in a hopper, That was part of a baling machine... So, Albert fell into the hopper, And the lid came on down with a bang, And it bashed and it thrashed and it rattled, And the big wheel went round with a clang, And Mother, who'd seen the occurance, Ran to the attendant and cried - "Look out for a bale with a cap on, 'Cos it's got our Albert inside!" "If you ask me..." said Father, but nobody did, Then sure enough, tidy and trim, Asmart and oblongular package popped out, And Father says "Eyup! That's him!" "It's me!" said young Albert, from inside the bale, "Come out of there," Mother replied. "It's time we were going," said Father. "We might as well leave him inside." "It's an ill wind..." said Mother, reflecting, "I reckon it's worth all the fuss, 'Cos Albert'll count as a parcel, When we take him back home on the bus..." There's many fine sights at Royal Lancashire Show, But the finest, without any doubt, Was the day the red Devils went flying, And Albert Ramsbottom... baled out.
The end