Written in 1964 for the University of Sheffield Metallurgy Department in-house magazine 'Micro'.
ALBERT AT LORDS
by Brian Jones - 1964 One day, t'were at Lord's where it happened A great cricket match were begun Twixt England and them there Australians And fer once, it were England that won. A strange match if ever there was one, Cos for England the game went quite bad Till along came a Mr Ramsbottom With his wife and young Albert, their lad. They'd come down from Wigan to watch it. T'were Wakes week and t'mills were shut down And Dad had decided to take t'family To spend a day out on the town. They arrived at the ground bright and early Before most o't'folks were about So Dad said "Let's go in t' pavilion" We can watch 'em go in and come out. Well t'Aussies won t'toss and they batted And right from the start they looked set Dad said "Though our bowlers are toiling, These wickets are damned hard to get." By lunchtime the score was three hundred And Dad's face was long and off-white. But Ma soon had something to cheer him. "A butty'll soon put you right". By t'time all the Aussies were shifted The score was four hundred and nine. Then out came the two England batsmen To open and knock off the shine. Dad brightened in anticipation "Now let's see what our lot can do". But soon he was looking quite sickly Cos the first bloke was run out for two. The other bats followed in order And England were deep in the blues Poor Ma bit her lip and said sadly "It looks like we're going to lose". Well England were nine down for thirty And t'Aussies were looking quite glad But little did they know what we know They'd reckoned wi'out Albert, our lad. As England's ninth victim was leaving Young Albert said "Gimmee a bat". Dad said "Does tha' think th'art Len Hutton?" And Albert replied "I am that!" Then Albert grabbed bat off t'next batter And off toward t'middle he hared The batsman sat down all dumb-founded To see how the brave youngster fared. Then Albert took guard leg and middle And looked at the field all around. The first ball sent down was a bouncer. Young Albert hit that out o't'ground. The bowler just stared in amazement Then sent down a Yorker on t'sticks But Albert was wise to him. Gamely, He jumped out and hit it for six. Now t'Aussies foundations were shaken It was a big shock, quite profound To see t'lad come in at eleven And start to knock t'bowling around. Still Albert, his confidence growing Was smiting the ball straight and square And Dad on the deep fine leg boundary Was throwing his cap in the air. Our nipper soon ran up his hundred And getting audacious and smart He swept one for four off his offstump. It near broke the poor bowlers heart. By now with boundaries flowing The scorers were in a flat spin They were having to take tins out of t'scoreboard As fast as they were putting them in. Well when t'score had got to four hundred Our Albert leaned back rather proud. And t'next two balls being rank long hops He pulled 'em both straight into t'crowd. So England had won a great victory. And Albert had scored three eight two. Sir Leonard's old record was broken And most of the other ones too. The crowd then swarmed on toward Albert And carried him off shoulder high Dad said "Well I'm blowed. Our lad's done it". And Ma wiped a tear from her eye. The English of course were delighted. But this match was only t'First Test So then up to Dad strode the skipper "Does tha think- could t'spare Albert for t'rest?" "I'm sorry", said Dad most sincerely. "It's an honour and thank you indeed. But yon lad can't run round playing cricket. He's still got his pigeons to feed".
The end