Pam Ayres
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth, 
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed, 
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

I wish I'd been that much more willin' 
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers, 
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.

When I think of the lollies I licked, 
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little, 
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My Mother, she told me no end, 
"If you got a tooth, you got a friend"
I was young then, and careless, 
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right, 
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin' 
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite!

If I'd known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fiIlin's 
Injections and drillin's
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine, 
In these molars of mine,
"Two amalgum," he'll say, "for in there."

How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin' 
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
The end