TODAY WE HAVE BAKING OF TARTS
by E.V. Milner Today we have Baking of Tarts. Yesterday We had Simple Salads. And a fortnight tomorrow We shall have How to Garnish Cod cutlets. But today Today we have Baking of Tarts. The viewers Ogle their screens in a flurry of breathless excitement, For today we have Baking of Tarts. This is the plastic mixing bowl. And this Is the rolling-pin and the board, whose use you will see In a moment. And this is the transparent oven Which in your case you have not got. The speaker Warms to her theme with ardent, unflagging exuberance, Which in our case we have not got. This is the strawberry jam which is neatly extracted With a gentle thrust of the spoon. And please do not let me See anyone licking his fingers. It is perfectly easy If you have any jam in your pot. The viewers Are silent and motionless, never letting anyone see Any of them licking their fingers. And this you can see is the lard. The purpose of this Is to prevent the pastry from sticking. We can smear it Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this Greasing the tin. And rapidly backwards and forwards The viewers are fumbling for biscuits and spilling their coffee: They call it ruining the carpet. They call it ruining the carpet. It is perfectly easy If your mind is attempting to cope with the cookery expert While your hands are engaged in juggling with saucers and plates And trying meanwhile to secure a reasonable share Of the cheese straws, which in our case we have not got: For today we have Baking of Tarts.
The end