by Marriott Edgar Lion and Albert When Sam Small retired from the Army He'd a pension of ninepence a day, And seven pounds fourteen and twopence He'd saved from his rations and pay. He knew this 'ere wasn't a fortune, But reckoned with prudence and care He'd find some investment to save him From hard work and things like that there. He thought he'd invest in a race 'orse, As apart from excitement and fun He'd be able to sit down in comfort And live on the money he won. He knew buying 'orses was tricky, But that didn't daunt him at all; He said "They must rise early 't mornin As wants to play tricks on Sam Small!" When he called on the local 'Orse-dealer Surprise rooted him to the spot, For he found 'twere his old Comp'ny Sergeant, Whose kindness he'd never forgot. 'Twere a happy reunion on both sides, Their pleasure at meeting was great, For each hoped to diddle the other And wipe a few grudges off slate. The Sergeant brought out his race 'orses, For which he asked various sums; They hadn't a tooth left between them, But Sam knew their age by their gums. Sam studied their lines and deportment As Sergeant were trotting them round, And told him he reckoned their value Were fourpence, per race 'orse, per pound. Now the Sarg. had a filly called Buster As he hadn't said nothing about, But when Sam turned his nose up at t'others He thought as he'd best trot her out. Sam were struck with her youthful appearance, Though there wasn't much light in the place, For her teeth were all pearly and even And there wasn't a line on her face. The place were locked up when he got there, And he realized Sergeant had bunked, So back he went home in a dudgeon And found Buster lying-defunct. Sam knew if he wanted to sell her He mustn't let on she were dead, So he raffled her down at the Darts Club- Forty members at five bob a head. The raffle were highly successful, They all came in every man jack And so's winner'd have no cause to grumble Sam gave him his five shillings back.
The end