'ALT, WHO GOES THERE?
by Stanley Holloway Old Sam first came to London When George the Fourth were King, He'd been in th'Army, man and boy For twenty year come Spring. The troops were lined up on parade And Sergeant, says 'Eh, Sam, T'neet tha' goes on sentry-go At t'Palace, Buckingham.' So off goes Sam to Palace gates His chest puffed out with pride, With musket on his shoulder He walks up and down, outside. A crowd soon thronged around him And caused a fearful jam - Some come to look at King and Queen Some come to look at Sam. Sam stood there cold and haughty-like With dignity sublime. Some asks 'Were you at Waterloo?' And some asks 'What's the time?' When suddenly from out of crowd A chap walks bold and straight, He crosses right in front of Sam And tries to open gate. Old Sam says "Alt! And who goes there? Who'se thee does tha' suppose?' The stranger answers 'George the Fourth. I live in 'ere, tha' knows.' Old Sam says 'Does think I'm daft? Don't try to tell me that. If thou art King - then where's thee Crown? Tha'rt wearing bowler hat.' 'That's right,' says King. 'That's right enough, It's strange to thee no doubt, But Ah put on bowler hat 'Cos it t'were raining when I comes out.' 'Oh well,' said Sam, 'Ah suppose you're right, I didn't know t'were thee.' The King says 'No offence, me lad, Come in for a cup o' tea.' 'I'd like a cup of tea,' said Sam, Ah don't mind if I do.' The Queen pours cup of tea and says, 'How many lumps, Sam? Two?' They chatted there for 'alf an hour When knock come at the door, The King be goes And finds the Duke of Wellington there, for sure. 'Good Afternoon,' says Duke of Wellington, 'Is Sam with thee?' 'Aye, he is an' all,' says King, 'He's having a cup o' tea.' 'Well that's a pretty thing,' says Duke, 'That's pretty, I declare.' He catches sight of Sam and says, 'Sam, what's thar doing in there?' Sam comes to door all jumpy like And red as anything. 'Ah'm doing nothing, Duke,' he cries, 'But having tea with King.' 'Ah thought as there was summut up,' The Duke coldly replied, 'Because I see thee musket Leaning against rails outside.' 'Some clumsy chap had knocked it down It give me quite a scare, So I stooped down and picked it up Seeing as thee weren't there.' 'You stooped and picked me musket up?' said Sam, 'W'ell, I declare, And thee with thy lumbago, too, I'll bet it made thee swear. 'I'll not wait for second cup,' said Sam, 'Ah'll come with thee. So Goodnight both your Majesties, And long live both your Majesties And when tha's next in Lancashire... tha's tea's with me.
The end