by Paul Wilkinson I'll tell you a tale strange but true, Sir, And you can believe it or not, But I swear every word, Sir, is gospel, Integrity's one thing I've got! I'll relate the events as they 'appened, A most singular tale you'll agree, Of the day that I fished the canal, Sir, And the odd thing that 'appened to me! 'Twas a day Sir, just like any other, With a bit of a nip in the air, And the one fish I'd managed to 'ook, Sir, Was flapping about 'neath my chair. Well, come five o'clock, it starts raining, So thinkin' to call it a day, I stowed all my gear in my basket, And bent down to where the fish lay. Now... you'd think after five or six hours, The poor little sod would be dead, But no, Sir, not this little fella, He's flappin' quite lively instead! Still, I popped 'im down into the basket, And went 'ome for a nice steamin' cuppa, With thoughts of a night by the fire, And a plate of fried fish for my supper. But strange to relate, Sir... that evening, With the flames dancin' under the skillet, I opened the basket and out jumped that fish... And I 'adn't the 'eart, Sir, to kill it! Well, I looked down at 'im... and 'e looked up at me, And I swear, Sir, 'e gave me a wink, So I bunged up the plug'ole, turned on the water, And dropped the fish into the sink. Next morning, at breakfast, I swear, Sir, 'E weren't in the sink any more, For during the night, 'e'd some'ow got out, And was flappin' around on the floor! So I gave 'im a saucer o' milk, Sir, And a bit o' me bacon and egg, And I've never before in my life, Sir... Seen a fish that could sit up an' beg! Well, I made 'im a bed by the fireplace, With some water, nearby, in a pail, And he jumped in and out, all day long, Sir, A-flappin' an' waggin' 'is tail! The weeks fairly flew by and Eric... Oh!... that's what I called 'im, you see, Well, Eric and I became buddies, Like a pal was young Eric, to me. I'd take 'im for walks in the garden, Where 'e'd run up an' down on the lawn, And I'd chuck 'im a stick and 'e'd fetch it, Then 'e'd beg me to chuck it some more. By now 'e'd been weaned right off water, 'E just didn't need it no more, So bedtime 'e'd flop up the staircase And sleep by my bed... on the floor. Then I fashioned a collar and lead, Sir, And we ventured out into the street, By 'eck!... 'ow the children did laugh, Sir, At that cute little fish at my feet. Our favourite walk was the park, Sir, Down the path, alongside the canal, And most days you'd see us out walking, Just me and young Eric, my pal. Then one day I took off 'is lead, Sir, And he flapped off ahead with a bound, But 'e tripped and 'e fell in the water, And the poor little bugger got drowned!!!
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