by Sheila Betts I must have been round t'corner When God handed out the boobs 'Cause I've never had a lot on top Though I always ate good food. But my bust were non-existant, I stuffed my bra with cotton wool, I tried to walk with me chest stuck out 'Til it gave my back a pull. Then one day I saw this advert, For a genuine bust enlarger I knew I had to have one And didn't care how much they charged yer. I scrimped and saved for ages To buy this wonderful machine And I fantasized, all day at work I was in a constant dream. 'Til finally I'd saved enough For my miracle apparatus Though I couldn't afford to mend my shoes Least my bust would be outragous. When I went this posh assistant sez, "Yes dear, can I help?" But I were struck dumb with embarassment, So just pointed to the top shelf. Well, she looked at shelf and then down at me And with a voice that echoed round "A bust enlarger, Madam?... There you are, that's just three pound!" Well, I wanted floor to open up And swallow me there and then But I paid three quid and scarpered Past all the gaping men. Back home I rushed to t'bathroom My new toy to then plug in My mind were fixed on 'C' cup bras And cleavages and things. I spent that long in t'bathroom My Dad wondered what was up But I'd sworn my Mam to secrecy So, she kept her mouth tight shut! The hours I spent gyrating With this thing strapped to my chest But I persevered believing With big boobs I'd be blessed. Everyday I took my measurements But they were always thirty two 'Til one day in desperation I chucked the bloody thing down the loo. Aye, I threw away that daft machine Because it didn't fulfill my needs 'Though it didn't do my bust much good I'd the biggest nipples in Leeds!!!
The end