by Monty Wells When little lads get Christened It's a great family affair But unthinking parents Give their kids a cross to bear They give them names of film stars Or relations of the wife And offspring's stuck with funny names That last them all their life One poor lad I know of Born many years ago Was named after his father So his first name was Hugo His mum once won that pancake race Her one big claim to fame In that Buckinghamshire village So Olney was his second name. Grandad had his say in this An avid football fan And Matthews was his idol So the kids third name was Stan Mum wanted something 'Biblical' To show the strength of men And decided upon Daniel As 'In the lions den' His Great Aunt Flo. A G.I. bride Then put in her spoke With Yankee pride said "Call him Dwight After that Eisenhower bloke" So out of church was carried Into the bright sunlight Newly christened Hugo. Olney Stanley, Daniel, Dwight. When H.O.S.D.D. grew up He had to get some work And ended up in a Post Office As a counter clerk On a busy Monday morning Folk queued with pension books And chaps who wanted car tax Gave each other dirty looks 'Cos just one clerk was serving And it was plain to see That one was not Hugo He just sat there drinking tea An irate lady said to clerk "Look at this length of queue Are you alone to deal with this? There should at least be two!" The harassed clerk shrugged ruefully And indicated to his mate "No" he said, "He also serves... Hugh Olney Stan. Dan. Dwight!"
The end