by C. A. Dickens As I put the roast in the oven I noticed the gaslight go out The meter, inside the back cupboard, Was empty of money, no doubt. I looked in my pocket for coins Then looked in the tin for the float Not one 50 pence was remaining I had only one five pound note. I needed some change for the meter So I put on me scarf and some wellies And went on me way down t'High Street And stopped at the shop that sells tellies. I said to the man at the counter, "I've found that I'm put on the spot; I was looking for change for the meter Cause a fiver won't fit in the slot. So if you don't mind; it would help me, I hope that you don't think I'm brash. But please, if you will. put your hand in the till And change us this fiver.. for cash". He looked at me over his glasses And said in a tone that was frank. "I'll sell you a plug if you want mate... but I'm sorry, this isn't a bank. It's all right you lookin' all flustered And don't bother startin' to moan If I gave all of me cash out.. then soon I'd have none of me own. Then when a real customer comes in They'd think it was awfully strange If I had to round up to the next pound Cause I did not have any change. So if you don't mind I am busy There's plenty of jobs I can do. So bugger off out of me shop, pal. And take your five quid with yer, too". I tried the same ploy at the sweet shop But the woman was certainly not sweet. In fact she was rude and in a bad mood And threw me back into the street. So I wandered into the pound shop And bought a glass jar with a lid But I came to a stop when I got out the shop Cause I still needed change for a quid. The meter takes 50 pence pieces And that's what I needed to get. The light had gone out in me oven And now I was starting to fret. My dinner would soon be quite ruined. And I did not think it was funny. I'd be having cold stew for me supper If I could not get the right money. I finally decided to go to the bank So I called at the local 'NatWest' But they look down their noses at people like me Who have nothing that they can invest. The girl at the counter looked wicked With a shock of red hair on her head. She scowled as I slowly approached her And waited to hear what I said. "Do you have an account with this branch, sir"? The question rang clear in my brain The look that she gave when I answered Made the blood run quite cold in my veins. "I'm thinking of opening one up, though." I said with despair showing through. "Well come back when you have" she retorted "Until then there is nowt I can do". "Oh come on, I'm not trying to rob you" Now anger brewed up in my loins. "I only want change for the meter... Now give me some 50 pence coins". Then I put my hand in my pocket T'was summat I shouldn't have done. She pressed the alarm in her panic And screamed out "This blokes got a gun!". Before I could prove I was harmless Before there was much I could say. Two policemen jumped on me from nowhere. I was handcuffed and taken away. Now I'm in a cell at the station They are keeping me in overnight That means I'll get given some dinner... So really; it's turned out all right!
The end