by Monty Wells The other week I felt so rough So I took to my bed And to my consternation found All my books I'd read I'd scanned the daily papers Absorbing all the news And so I looked around me For something to peruse I glanced among the phone books Then the 'Trades Directory' And that is how I came to find Industries new to me. There's a pit prop firm in Shoreham To believe it I found hard And there's a burnt toast factory In a place called Chard A forged paintings place in Fakenham A snooker hall in Poole Would you believe in Andover A tax collectors school ? There's an astute Texan gentleman You can't call him a slouch Making cattle branding irons In, yes, Burnham-on-Crouch A Flirting Club in Chatham And (This might sound bizarre) A ceramics firm sells booze as well Out there in Potters Bar Some old dears in Patcham Look for clothes to mend Sadly, a philosophers graveyard Down at Ponders End They make 'creepie's' out in Crawley And (This one made me frown) A Humphrey Bogart hat factory Near Enfield in Brimsdown.
The end