I love young Liza with a fondness that can feel no change
But we 'ave never married, though that may sound rather strange
We've got the 'ome, but, some'ow, never reached the altar rail
For, strange to say one of us always seems to be in jail
The weddin' day was fixed one day, the eighteenth of July
But I got fourteen days for closing up 'er farver's eye
WhenI com'd out, I found that Liza was in prison still
While ordering of our wedding cake, she simply pinched the till.

Chorus: And we named the wedding day, in our sweet and loving way
We'd asked some lively gals and fellows down
But we shed a bitter tear, 'cause the law would interfere
So the 'appy day got postponed, yus, till we come back to town.

A diamond ring next tempted me,weak minded like, I fell
And in the box, the police declared they knew my niblets well
But I swore that it was a got up thing from Scotland Yard
The judge smiled at the jury box, and then gave me six months hard
When Liza gained 'er freedom, she was told the dreadful news
She'd been tee-total while in jail, but now she took to booze
And in a row one night a lady-friend called 'er a cat
She pitched 'er froo a grocer's shop and got a month for that.


When I com'd out my gal was fust to hug me round the neck
The fust to take me by the hand, was a celebrated 'tec'
'You're wanted Bill'' says 'e, 'About Lord What's-its silver plate.'
I got five years and she got five, they wanted her as well
So when our wedding will come off I'm sure no one can tell
When we com'd out, at going back, I 'ad a orful fear
And now she's got six months for biting off a p'liceman's ear.

Written by A. Perry, Walter Hastings & Gus Elen - 1902
Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
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